====================================
LAPIDARY ARTS and FACETERS DIGEST
====================================
Issue No. 228 - Thursday, October 16, 2003
====================================
Moderated by: Thurmond Moore III
====================================
Committed to carrying on the fine works of
Hale Sweeny and Jerry Dewbre
====================================
POST TO EITHER LINK BELOW:
lapidary@caprock-spur.com
faceters@caprock-spur.com
====================================
VISIT OUR WEBSITE TODAY
http://www.gemcutters.org
====================================
Hi all,

Long List Today. Long joke today. Many post.
Many thanks to all who posted.

Thurmond

====================================
Index to Today's Digest

01  NEW: Burmese Goods Banned
02  RE: lapidary the old way
03  RE: the great unwashed
04  RE: the great unwashed
05  RE: the great unwashed
06  RE: Curved Faceting
07  NEW: Honduras Opal Cutting
08  RE: Almag
09  RE: lapidary the old way
10  RE: stone polisher for grandaughter in Poland
11  RE: Cutting, Polishing, and Setting Turquoise
12  AD: Gemological Equipment For Sale
13  RE: Cutting certs
14  RE: Almag / Mist killer
15  RE: big diamond
16  RE: the great unwashed
17  RE: the great unwashed

====================================
Message:01

Subject: Burmese Goods Banned
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 20:41:23 -0400 (Eastern Standard Time)
To: <faceters@caprock-spur.com>
From: "Dennis Demerly" <ddraw@comcast.net>

First of all I want to thank all of you who e-mailed me about finding some
good sapphires. I was overwhelmed by the response. I am still looking over
the sites that were recommended. I also, appreciated the helpful comments
that were sent also. As a beginner you hear this and that, and it is very
helpful to hear from someone who has been at this a while to help sort
things out. Thank-you again
In this November issue of Lapidary Journal on page 18, there is an article
Bush Bans Burmese Goods". The article says that this is a three year ban on
ALL Burmese products. It will affect Burmese ruby, sapphire, jade,and spinel
 etc..

Thanks for help again
Dennis

__________________________________________________________
Message:02

Subject: Re: Issue No. 227 - Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:55:51 -0400
To: LapidaryArtsDigest <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>
From: Kreigh Tomaszewski <Kreigh@Tomaszewski.net>
Cc: ttrimm@dragonbbs.com

LapidaryArtsDigest wrote:
> From: T. Trimm" ttrimm@dragonbbs.com
>   Sent: Thursday, October 09, 2003 7:27 PM
>   Subject: Message from Website
>
>   I am looking for information on how to do lapidary the old way.
>   Without the modern day tools.
>   If you could point me in the right direction I would appreciate it.
> ===================================

I can suggest my 'homemade equipment' page at
http://Tomaszewski.net/Kreigh/Minerals/Homemade.shtml
as a starting point; just remove the motor and replace with a more
primative motive force (treadmill, crank, waterwheel, etc). Lapidary has
really not changed much since the Middle Ages.

BTW, at the bottom of the page you will find a short article about
polishing rocks by hand. If you are serious about working rocks by hand
I recommend you find (via a library - probably interlibrary loan) a copy
of the three volume set of "Amateur Telescope Making" published by
Scientific American (A. G. Ingalls, Editor). You will learn more about
how to work glass (quartz, and even obsidian) by hand than you thought
possible, and it can all be applied to polishing rocks by hand.

You might also check with an Anthropoligist at a local college.

__________________________________________________________
Message:03

Subject: MORE on the great unwashed
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:52:35 EDT
To: faceters@caprock-spur.com
From: Tymib@aol.com

My, my...  i have kept quiet a loooong time, but this one takes the cake.  Do
you have any idea how many pieces of jewelry Kay's Jewelers sells? ... and
that is but a drop in the bucket.

Truth is, it is a new generation out there folks, actually a new world. 
Jewelry is NOT bought to admire and love - it is bought to dazzel and call
attention, period.  If it glitters, if it is blinding, if it catches the eye, it will
sell.  Even engagement rings are bought for the momentary thrill - noone
really thinks marriage is forever.  Do you KNOW anyone who is 15 to 28??????

Far as the term "great unwashed" goes, i happen to think it is a very
acceptable and descriptive term- unless you know little of history in context.  At
most it is only words, in no way racist or demeaning of a particular group- it
could refer to a doctor or to a plumber.

But, there is a point herein:  educating the "masses" today is a dream i
think.  Emphasizing craftsmanship and skill is a hope - at least as far as those
who have been washed in the waters of beauty and value are concerned. 
Fortunately there be few of us who are devoted cutters, therefore the fact that there
be few who are washed with discernment is not so bad ... we do need to let
them know that some gem cutters really ARE  artists, and how to tell who is such
a person.

billb

__________________________________________________________
Message:04

Subject: Swine? Unwashed? Get a grip!
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 23:34:40 -0400
To: <faceters@caprock-spur.com>
From: "Closet Gems / Richard A. Rardin" <rardin@alltel.net>

Hi All,

Enough!  Most of what I have read recently revolves around appraisal
value and craftsman/artist value.  For the craftsman who does not like
the appraiser to set a price --- tough.  It's going to happen, get a
grip!  Your stone is appraised every time a customer either buys or
passes it by.  A fair appraisal depends on different factors but for
most people it would be what is it worth, or the replacement value.  If
a stone can be replaced  with a comparable stone  one can get a value. 
As a cutter/artist (at least I like to think I am) I may not like my
work being appraised by others and may not always agree with the
appraisal but I understand the need.  The ultimate appraiser is the
person who puts down the cold hard cash.    As far as the great
unwashed, well I would think that if one took that personally they =
should get a tougher skin.  We do after all work in stone!  I agree with
educating  your customer.  How do you think tobacco shops ever sell $400
dollar pipes when you can buy a lesser pipe for under $20 if not by
education?  Yes I used to manage a tobacco shop years ago and I could
sell the $400 pipes by educating my customer.  Money talks and
everything else walks. 

Richard A. Rardin  
Closet Gems

__________________________________________________________
Message:05

Subject: Re:Pearls before swine.
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 21:49:04 -0700
To: lapidary@caprock-spur.com (LapidaryArtsDigest)
From: Don Rogers <Don@Campbell-gemstones.com>

>They place us
>in the uncomfortable position of trying desperately to find something nice
>to say.  The best I could do was "Well, it is certainly not an imitation!".

Reminds me of a "customer" who came into my store and wanted to know if I
could tighten up the stone in her ring.  It was a faceted opal in a gold
setting.  After some conversation with her, I found she had bought the ring
at a Mall store.  The stone became loose and she had taken it back for
repair.  They had "tightened" the stone and a couple days later she ended
up in my store to fix their problem.

The problem was that the stone was broken when they set it.  The
"tightening" had broken it more.  I explained to her what had happened, and
then ask "what did you pay for this, as it is really a nice stone".  The
answer was $150.00.  This was for an approximately 5ct really nice opal in
a 10K gold setting (alarm bells going off!!!)  I ask her if they had told
her that the stone was a synthetic and the response was NO!.
  I suggested that she go back to the stone and ask for her money back as
they had not fairly represented the stone, and that they had broken it in
attempting to tighten the setting.  I never did hear what the outcome
was.   She never came back into the store.  I don't know if she was ticked
off at me because I told her the truth, or if she was embarrassed because I
had told her the truth.  My only hope is that she learned something from
the affaire.

It was kind of fun though.

Don

__________________________________________________________
Message:06

Subject: Curved Stones
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 21:59:53 -0700
To: LapidaryArtsDigest <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>
From: TA Masters <tam2819@cox.net>

Ashoka,
I had the pleasure a couple of years ago at the OPLC Faceter Hob Nob in
Tucson to see a curve faceting machine at work.

I am enchanted by these stones, and now know my goal in cutting.

More recently I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Chris Algar who is
featured in the August issue of lapidary Journal with his curved stones.
He is a delightful man and I enjoyed chatting with him and picking his
brain. His stones are beautiful in my eyes. Some do not care for the
dazzle, I do.

He designed and made his own curved faceter as the prices for commercial
machines were too expensive.


We talked extensively about the hows and whys. The design is amazingly
simple, and no specific pattern is necessary. One can take a cut stone
and simply curve opposing sides, or any other pattern you choose. It
does not take much. I know I will try. Just will take some time.

Try to get that copy of the magazine and read for yourself. Chris has
now returned to England, hopefully he will once again join one of these
online groups.

I hope this helps a bit.
Teresa

__________________________________________________________
Message:07

Subject: Honduras Opal Cutting
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:09:06 -0700
To: "LapidaryArtsDigest" <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>
From: "Steven W. De Long" <sdelong@san.rr.com>

Hi,

Anyone know the best way to cut and polish Honduras Opal.

I have some of the basalt type, not the seam opal, and it seems very porous.

Thanks,

Steve
San Diego

__________________________________________________________
Message:08

Subject: Antifreeze
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 01:09:49 EDT
To: lapidary@caprock-spur.com
From: Lapadary@aol.com

In a message dated 10/15/03 6:46:48 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
lapidary@caprock-spur.com writes:
.  Some people are using car anti-freeze.  This is a really bad idea as it is
very unhealthily and is poison.
*********************
Don,

Actually, the antifreeze used in a saw should be the kind that is used to
'winterize' the drinking water systems of motor homes. The name of it is
propylene glycol and it is nonpoisonous. Propylene glycol is available at recreation
vehicle centers.

 It is very different from the poisonous ethylene glycol (automotive
antifreeze) used in the radiator of a motor home (or a car).  Breathing mist of
anything, even water vapor, can cause health problems so even propylene glycol might
make you sick -- but it is not poison.

If you know somebody using radiator antifreeze in a saw please stop them
immediately. It is toxic to humans but it also taste sweet. The mist will build up
on other objects and the sweet taste will attract children and animals,
including pets. If they get enough of it in their body it will kill them too.

Grant W. Johnston, Chico, CA

__________________________________________________________
Message:09

Subject: Lapidary the Old Way
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:57:16 -0700
To: <ttrimm@dragonbbs.com>
From: "Steven W. De Long" <sdelong@san.rr.com>
Cc: <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>

Hi,

T. Trimm

I am responding to a post that appeared on the Lapidary Arts Digest that was
forwarded to it by Hale Sweeney.

I guess it really depends on what you mean by old.

Francis J. Sperisen's book "The Art of the Lapidary" CopyRight 1950
references many of the old techniques.

Examples:  Flat Laps driven by a hand crank and a flywheel (he built one
using a bicycle wheel for a flywheel).  Mud Saw's (pre-diamond saw
technology).  How to facet using a Jam Peg setup.

He also shows how he created much of the equipment he used - 1950's
technology, but very interesting.  Plus lots of good info regarding stones
as it relates to cutting them.

The book appears for sale on ebay once in a while.  That is how I got mine.

Sperisen by the way was the originator of the opposed bar cuts in faceting.
He called them Lens Cuts.

He is probably one of the fathers of modern American lapidary.

The book references an even older book, "The Gem Cutter's Craft" by Leopold
Claremont 1902, which might have additional information if you can find a
copy. I've never seen it.

Also, there is a fair amount of information available in old magazines etc.
about how stones were cut in Idar Oberstein in the old days on "giant" 15
foot diameter sandstone wheels driven by water.  That would obviously be
difficult to replicate today.

I understand that bow drills were used to drill holes in gems in Idar
Oberstein.

The Lap-Lap faceting setups being sold on ebay now could easily be used for
cutting cabochons - lots of work though - and Paul Downing mentions in his
book "Opal Cutting Made Easy" a similar system that was available
commercially at one time that allowed you to cut opals using "stones"   (like
knife sharpening stones) of various grits.  He cut his first opals using
one.

There are still lots of places in the world where stones are cut using hand
power - I've seen lots of illustrations in old magazines.  I get them at
local lapidary club shows.

I suppose the oldest method in the world is to get a hard stone for a base,
throw some sand on it and start grinding.

I probably shouldn't tell this story but I will because it is interesting.
I have a brother who had some problems several years ago and spent some time
in the state correctional facilities.  One of the ways that he and his
fellow "companions" passed the time was by finding a rock (really - any
rock) in the "yard", grinding it to shape - usually a small arrowhead - on
the cement, polishing it with spit on the leg of their jeans, and making a
necklace by weaving a thong created from strings pulled from the tops of
their socks.  I bought one from him and still have it.

Hope this helps,

Steve

__________________________________________________________
Message:10

Subject: Subject: stone polisher for grandaughter in Poland?
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 23:07:50 -0700
To: <sandersona@onetel.net.uk>
From: "Steven W. De Long" <sdelong@san.rr.com>
Cc: <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>

Hale Sweeney forwarded your post to the Lapidary Arts Digest for a response.

Here is a link to the least expensive gemstone tumbler I could find.  Most
of them run about $80 US for a "kit" including the tumbler, the grits, and
some agates to start with.

I'm assuming you are referring to a tumbler.  There are lots of other
options for stone polishers but the least expensive will run closer to $200
US and aren't really ideal for children.

I let my six and nine year old cut cabs but only with supervision.  Once my
son ground a decent 5 carat piece of tourmaline down to a nub in a few
minutes and was getting ready to start in on his thumb.

This unit isn't industrial grade by any means, and, I of course have never
used it, but it looks like it might work for a start.

http://www.einsteins-emporium.com/earth/geology/eg932.htm

This same site has the Thumler's Model T for just over $100 US.  I have a
similar Thumler that worked fine.  I think you can probably find it or a
similar one a bit cheaper if you search around on the internet, maybe as low
as $60 US.

Another well known brand name is "Lortone."

Hope this helps,

Steve
San Diego

__________________________________________________________
Message:11

Subject: Cutting, Polishing, and Setting Turquoise
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 23:19:02 -0700
To: <kasselco@comcast.net>
From: "Steven W. De Long" <sdelong@san.rr.com>
Cc: <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>

Hi Kurt,

Your post was forwarded to the Lapidary Arts Digest by Hale Sweeney for a
response.

Regarding setting - Assuming you are taking bezel setting any of the usual
Jewelry Making books will be helpful.  Tim McCreight and Jinks McGrath both
have excellent books that deal with all aspects of jewelry making including
setting stones.

Cutting and Polishing - I'm not an expert and I've only cut a few pieces of
turquoise.  All the stones I've cut were either gem quality, i.e. hard or
treated (a couple of suspects).  If you have some softer pieces (typically
called chalk) you may want to treat them or have them treated (basically
impregnated with a harding agent like an epoxy).  Lots of turquoise is
"backed" with various materials as well.  I use all diamond and get a good
polish but tin oxide is recommended in the book "Blue Gold, The Turquoise
Story" probably out of print.

There is also a new book called "Turquoise Unearthed, An Illustrated Guide"
that is useful.  Neither focus on cutting but do discuss it briefly.

This month's Rock and Gem magazine has a turquoise article as well.

Hope this helps,

Steve

__________________________________________________________
Message:12

Subject: Gemological Equipment For Sale
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 07:48:42 -0400
To: <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>
From: "breed8" <breed8@comcast.net>

Before I list these items for sale on Ebay, I thought I would offer them
to list members first. Al items were purchased around 1981 and all are
in excellent condition and had little use.

Micrscope
Spectroscope
Diamond Lite
U,V, Light Box
Refractometer
Utility Light
Polaroscope

For details and pictures please email me at breed8@comcast.net
Please type "Gem Instruments" in the subject line.

__________________________________________________________
Message:13

Subject: Re: Issue No. 227
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 08:42:19 EDT
To: lapidary@caprock-spur.com
From: Gemscapes@aol.com

In a message dated 10/15/03 9:50:49 PM, lapidary@caprock-spur.com writes:


Dear Tony,
> "Even if a stone goes to a loved one and will never leave family there is
> no reason to not sign it."
>
This is a very interesting topic. I am a gem carver and provide grading
reports with all my stones that are done by an outside lab. In addition to
certifying that the stones were cut by me, the reports also give dimensions, color
descriptions, and plots of inclusions. I find these reports very valuable.
However I have never found a way to sign my stones that is satisfactory. In addition
to other tools, I have a small air powered dental drill that uses very tiny
burs. However even this tool is too big to make a small signature on a
beautiful transparent stone. After the great amount of work I put into carving and
polishing, I hate to mess it up with a big ugly scratched signature. So my
question is, how are you signing your stones? I have asked this question of many
other carvers. Some use the dental drill, some use a diamond pen. Personally, I
find both these tools clumsy for the purpose. I could have a signature lasered
on, but that is just another expense which I currently am unwilling to absorb.

"The appraisers job becomes easier when dealing with a piece of jewelry made
by a
recognized artist as they are able to quickly ascertain the replacement cost
by simply asking."

This is another interesting subject. I will be giving a talk on Contemporary
North American Gem Art to the National Association of Jewelry Appraisers this y
ear in Tucson. The subject of valuing will be an important part of my talk. I
of course will recommend asking the artist whenever possible. This assumes
the artist is known and that the appraiser knows how to reach the artist. In the
past three years, three very good gem artists have died--all before they were
60. All have work in the market. It would still be possible to track down
what their work sold for if you could contact their spouses, or their primary
sales representatives. But how about in 50 years? I believe it is the
responsibility of the artists to keep good records and be concerned with having that
information available to future generations of appraisers. This is not an easy
thing to do. An interesting problem.

Sherris

__________________________________________________________
Message:14

Subject: Re: Issue No. 227 - mist killer
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 08:49:26 EDT
To: lapidary@caprock-spur.com
From: Gemscapes@aol.com

In a message dated 10/15/03 9:50:49 PM, lapidary@caprock-spur.com writes:


> I stopped all my Almag mist problems with Raytech's Mist Killer.
>
Dear Jim,

I recently bought some of the Raytech Mist Killer, but didn't start using it
because of the warning on the label that says "contains a chemical known in
the State of California to cause cancer" which leads me to wonder if breathing
the mist killer is worse than breathing the mist. Do you, or anyone else, know
anything about this?

Sherris

__________________________________________________________
Message:15

Subject: Re: big diamond
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 10:21:35 -0700
To: lapidary@caprock-spur.com (LapidaryArtsDigest)
From: Tony <lightbender@thegemdoctor.com>

Thanks Earl,

> >Assuming we have all seen the 103+ ct D flawless in the press

> If they do it just right, they end up with 103 carats of very
> fine high grade abrasives, worth more than a buck a carat.

That cracked me up as I hadn't realised I'd made the pun, and
also because I did rewrite my original before posting, changing
'going under the hammer' to 'auction'

Tony.

__________________________________________________________
Message:16

Subject: Re: The Great Unwashed
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 10:41:25 -0700
To: faceters@caprock-spur.com
From: "Michael Edgett" <chicket@msn.com>

"The Great Unwashed"
What a tremendous thread ! At first I thought that someone had seen me after
my last backpacking trip...Wheeewwww!
Then, after getting into the thread, I realized that everyone was talking
about most of my customers. I've got a one person retail shop in rural
Washington State and the bulk of my customers are somewhat uneducated and
very price sensitive.  Jon Rolfe's comment; " I take that to mean people who
buy "White Emerald" from the Home Shopping network, or other such outlets.
", hit the nail right on the head. Jon, you're wrong about one thing
though...they will buy from us.
If you really want to sell to these people you need to understand what
motivates them. They love large, bright stones at a very low price point. If
you don't mind cuttiing larger sythetics, you can keep the price points very
low and you can mount and market your own stuff directly to the end
consumer, you can sell to them all day long. It's generally not wise,(or
necessary) to try to educate someone who doesn't ask...they just think
you're a stuffed shirt and shut down. You don't need to educate them anyway.
The stones that a custom cutter fashions are generally way better
looking,(and in better settings), than the other low to medium priced glop
you're competeing against.
   If you want to be a cutter who just cuts fine stuff, (assuming that you
can find and afford it), and then expects the world to beat a path to your
door because of your excellence, well you can just about forget it.  "The
Great Unwashed" are making up a greater and greater percentage of our
population, they don't care about and couldn't afford the really good stuff
if they did care.
I'm going to go take a shower !

Michael E.


__________________________________________________________
Message:17

Subject: So here's a (dumb?) idea...
Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 12:46:33 -0700 (PDT)
To: LapidaryArtsDigest <lapidary@caprock-spur.com>
From: Dave Thompson <djt@irastro.caltech.edu>

> I have long thought that the general public needed to be educated about
> tourmaline, for example-A truly beautiful stone.  But if someone cannot
> even pronounce it, they are not going to buy it.

Jon's and others' comments about educating the masses reminded
me of an idea I had.  I'll throw it out here for further comment.  We
all know about "Tupperware parties".  A few weeks ago, a friend of ours
had, essentially, a "cosmetics party", which my wife volunteered our
house for.  Fortunately, I was not home at the time, but I got to thinking...
why not have a similar "party" for the gemstones we cut?  I think that for
this to be successful, you would need to be able to also show how to get
the loose stones set (i.e. invite your favorite goldsmith, or at least
have a Stuller catalog on hand?).  I don't know if it would work, but at
least the people that come would *want* to learn more about gemstones.

So, is this a dumb idea?  Comments please, everyone.

> Perhaps " The Apathetic Masses  ? The Unenlightened Ones ? "
> Or " People With Diminished Expectations " ?

Gemologically Challenged?

> ...the 103+ ct D flawless...my belief that it will not go over $30m.

That comes to almost $300,000 per carat!  I'm no expert,
but I would be really surprised if it gets anywhere near that amount.
In a quick search on the web, I would guess it will be more like
$50k/ct, or around $5m if it is already cut and 103+ct.

Dave (Pasadena, CA).

===================================
MESSAGES FORWARDED FROM HALE SWEENY

Hale receives questions from time to time and I have agreed to
handle them via the list. If any member can help any of these
folks PLEASE RESPOND TO THEM DIRECTLY as they are
not yet members.

Remember to copy the list for the information archives.

Thx. Thurmond
_________________________________

From: "k.kassel" <kasselco@comcast.net>
Sent: Tuesday, October 14, 2003 10:31 PM
Subject: Message from Web Site


Hi

Not sure if you all will get this message but hear it goes.  I want to learn
about cutting, polishing and setting turquoise in silver.  I have cab
machines and cut cabs of agate etc.  Just purchased a 40 year old turquoise
collection that has some great nuggets, some I will keep and others will be
made into jewelry.  Can you help by directing me to silver and turquoise
jewelry making.  I don't want to damage a good stone until I know what I am
doing.

Thank you

Kurt


_______________


From: Alan Sanderson  <sandersona@onetel.net.uk>
Sent: Tuesday, October 14, 2003 12:43 PM
Subject: stone polisher for grandaughter in Poland?


I have your address from Lapidary Digest, and wonder if you can help.  My son,
in Poland, has requested a stone polisher for his 8 year-old daughter's birthday,
31st Oct.  I live central London and have no idea where to get my hands on an
affordable, child-proof machine, nor even whether there are such things.     I don't
want to spend more than #35 for it, and I want something of a size that won't
cost a fortune to send to Poland.
If you can give me any advice that will turn me in the right direction, I'll be
very surprised and very grateful.

Alan



_______________


From: T. Trimm" ttrimm@dragonbbs.com
  Sent: Thursday, October 09, 2003 7:27 PM
  Subject: Message from Website


  I am looking for information on how to do lapidary the old way.
  Without the modern day tools.
  If you could point me in the right direction I would appreciate it.
===================================
DIGEST ARCHIVES:

http://www.gemcutters.org/archives.htm

RESOURCES FOR LAPIDARIES:

http://www.gemcutters.org/resources.htm

COMPETITIONS:

http://www.gemcutters.org/comp.htm

SHOWDATES:

http://www.gemcutters.org/showdates.htm

PERSONALS: (General Lapidary and Faceting)

http://www.gemcutters.org/personals.htm

SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION:

http://www.gemcutters.org/subscribe.htm

CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS:

http://www.gemcutters.org/classifieds.htm

====================================
Lurking is fine, but participation is better for learning !
Post something from your experiences in gemcutting today!
====================================
TODAY'S FUNNY ~

WHO'S ON FIRST FOR THE 21ST CENTURY

ABBOTT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
of buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.

ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm
sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?


ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But
what program do I load?

ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight
answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to
watch a movie over the Internet?

ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. But what do I need to watch it?

ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and
four. Can I watch reel four?

ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I
also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
help me track my money?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How
much money do I get?

ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

ABBOTT: Of course! They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still
need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?

ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you
have any software for, you know, accounting?

ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You
know--accounting? You do it with money.

ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?

ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the
moment. I'm worried that my computer might... what's the word? Crash. And if
my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something
to restore my data. What do you recommend?

ABBOTT: GoBack.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go
back. What do I need to write a proposal?

ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word--the Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

click

ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.
Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?


======================================

TIDBITS AND REFLECTIONS~

Our friends should be companions who inspire
us, who help us rise to our best.

---Joseph B. Wirthlin---

======================================
LIST and WEBSITE INFO~

LAPIDARY ARTS and FACETERS DIGEST
is produced by Thurmond Moore III
owner-lapidary@caprock-spur.com

Tempie Francis, Attorney at Law / Legal Advisor

=======================================
The LAPIDARY ARTS and FACETERS DIGEST

is never sent unsolicited.  You are receiving it
because you subscribed to it at our digest subscription page at:

http://www.gemcutters.org/subscribe.htm

To unsubscribe, just use the link below and follow the
instructions there:

http://dns2.caprock-spur.com:81/guest/RemoteListSummary/LapidaryArtsDigest

List Posting Guidelines and rules can be found at:
http://www.gemcutters.org/rules.htm
========================================
Published Monday thru Friday, except holidays
from Spur,Texas
========================================
Share your love of lapidary with everyone.
========================================